There are three reasons that hold us back to becoming a Successful Leader:
- Fear of failure – what if I don’t make it?
- Fear of rejection – what will others think?
- Fear of success – am I good enough?
Every top performer whether its within corporate or as an entrepreneur are battling these inner voices that hold us back from reaching heights that are superhuman. I must confess that I’ve shifted between these 3 reasons myself many times over the years.
Let’s review these 3 concepts a little further?
1. Fear of Failure:
Most of us if not all of us have failed at least with one thing in our lives, whether its failing a test at school, failing a driving test, not making the cut in a sports team, failing at a relationship/marriage, failing at our job. History dictates how our present and future will turn out.
The Fear of Failure is our brain trying to protect us from a perceived threat. Whether its real or not, the brain can’t distinguish between the two. The only way our brain analyses this information is by storing all these memories of failures in our lives. The brain stores our different experiences and wraps it up with our emotions into a small box and gives it a name, lets say our limiting belief of “Fear of Failure”. So, whenever our present shows us a possibility of a similar failure, we instantly revert back to our small stored box and seek for evidence in the ways in which we’ve failed in the past, and to protect us from failure again, it inhibits us from taking unnecessary risks for our future decisions. Ultimately allowing, our Fear win and hold us back from our dreams. This is where we stay stuck in our “comfort zones” because so far in life we’ve found evidence to suggest that when we try we will evidently “Fail”.
2. Fear of Rejection:
Again, most of us have been rejected throughout the course of our lives, whether its rejection from loving someone who doesn’t love us back, rejection from friends when things go sour, rejection from a Job Interview when you receive that automatic reply, rejection when we put ourselves out there to dare to be different or have an opinion.
Instead, we build a wall, we hide behind our masks, because we are so afraid of people, society rejecting our authentic selves, because we don’t fit into the box that society has designed for each of us.
Society also refers to the companies in which we work. That is why there is a job description and titles, everyone must be “Figured Out”. If you don’t fit into that box, that mold, are you not embracing that company’s culture? Standards? Is this a good thing or bad? Depends on how you look at it. But I’ll tell you this much, you most certainly will die in a box! No exceptions on that one!
3. Fear of Success!
Yes! You’ve heard me, most of us fear success!! Why are we afraid of embracing our talents, our gifts to the world, our inner Powers? Many of us suffer from “I’m not good enough syndrome” or alternatively, the more coined term “Impostor Syndrome”. Studies have shown that a staggering 75% woman have this feeling of “I’m not good enough”. Mostly because as women we are taught from a young age, that we are the weaker sex, we are the nurturers, that our powers reside in baby making and being the caretakers in our families. At times, our cultures may be doing us more harm than good.
We as women have worked hard for equality and sure we are just as successful as the men. We have our high-flying jobs, fancy corporate suits, multitude of responsibilities, but also when we get home the work doesn’t stop. We have to continue with feeding little Johnny, making sure he does his homework before bed time, read him a bed time story and tuck him in at night and give him a kiss. Some of us have other roles within the community or have to take care of ailing parents. Doing it all, and having it all can conflict at times. Yet we still feel like “we’re not good enough?” Really? Seriously?
Men also have that feeling of failure, but they term it “Fake it till you make it” attitude. These are the guys that exude the over confidence, inflated egos at work. They feel that they have to do this to demonstrate confidence and therefore appear competent. Most of the time it is an unconscious act, rather than a deliberate one. My point is, go easy on these guys if you have one in your office. Everyone is fighting the same fight. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have inside of them. But also asking for help and guidance is not a sign of failure or weakness but one of Courage and Inspiration! Remember that when you’re struggling and trying to get through the day without people noticing.
In Summary:
How do we overcome these fears? In short, if you have constant inner voices telling you that you’re going to fail, substitute with mantra’s like “What if I don’t Fail? What would that look, hear and feel like?” Paint a picture within your mind and superimpose it upon your past experiences. How do you feel now when looking back? Then take that new experience into the future, so when an opportunity arises you have a new picture in your minds-eye that will help you break through the fear of failure.
If you have constant inner voices telling you that you’ll be judged, substitute with “People judge others based on their own perceptions of the world, this has nothing to do with you personally.” “People are more concerned about how they are perceived and judged by others because they themselves have that capacity to do so.” Remember this judgement comes from a place of Fear of the unknown or not knowing. Come at it with a sense of Curiosity for the other person and you’ll never feel judged again.
If you have constant inner voices telling you that “You’re not Good Enough”, then ask yourself “What does Good Enough look like to me?” “What evidence do I have to support these inner voices of not being good enough?” “Where did this inner mantra originate from?” You will find that it would have come from an external source. Someone else’s perceptions and judgement and bench-marking their standards onto you. Once again, this has nothing to do with you, but based on their “perceived realities” “past experiences” that manifests through these limiting beliefs.
Once again, I urge you to challenge those inner voices, and then look for new evidence in past experiences where you “have been good enough”. Take those experiences and picture yourself in the future “Being Good Enough”. By re-framing (looking at the same situation through different lenses) will give you clarity and insight into your limiting beliefs and thereby “Smashing Them”.
As children, we do not have those inner voices. If you look at a toddler trying to walk they will continue to get up off the floor over and over till they can walk. They don’t let the fear of failure, the fear of being judged or the fear of not being good enough dictate whether they should move from crawling to walking. They do it, because they want to do it, its time.
So I’m telling you today, that it’s time for you to embrace those fears, re-frame your thinking and take action. Like a toddler, step by step will get you to where you want to go! Relentless Determination is the Key to Success! Live a Life with No Limits.
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